Had a fire and preparing for an exhibit.

On Sunday we had a fire in our basement. Don’t worry, everyone in the house (including the animals) are perfectly fine and the damage was minimal. Remember everyone, smoke detectors are your friend! Without it we wouldn’t have known about the fire until too late.

We’re back in the house now but I had to move all my art stuff upstairs. The basement smells like smoke and I just can’t work down there (my studio was right near where the fire was). I only lost the drawing I had been working on and some of my papers due to smoke and ash. But still, working down there will be too difficult for now.

On brighter news…I’m working on a new drawing that is of a little girl standing on a stone in a pond. It’ll be the first time I’ve done water and reflections. Should be interesting. I love experimenting and doing new things.

There are other drawings I need to do. 2 will be for an art exhibit at the gallery in May. They’re of a Norse woman. That’s going to be a bit of an experiment too since it’ll be my first time drawing fur (the woman is wearing some, as was customary at that time). The exhibit has a theme of Ancient Civilizations which is great. I love drawing people from the past.

Feeling inadequate

Have you ever looked at something you’ve just done a great job with and feel inadequate? You know it’s good, but you can’t help but feel it’s not good enough. That’s what’s been happening to me lately.

I have these three drawings that I love. They’re the ones of a woman wearing a sort of scarf/shawl. The first one, well that needs some work on it. The second one is great. The third one…well I’m still working on it. It’s not that it’s not good enough. Quite the opposite. It’s really really good. And yet, I can’t seem to finish.

For the past month and a half this drawing has been sitting on my easel. I see it all the time. I’ll sit infront of it and look at it for a while. I’ve even worked on it here and there. But I just can’t bring myself to finish it.

I know that if I sit down to it for just 2 hours a day after the kids go to bed then I can have it done by Friday. Maybe sooner. I wanted to have it done before New Year’s. But alas that wasn’t to be so.

I shouldn’t be so anxious about this. Art is something that allows me to totally escape reality. There is no drug on this Earth that can replace the feeling I get when I’m lost in a drawing. It’s the only time that I’m truly relaxed (I’m told that I look tired and stressed even when I sleep).

I need to get over myself and just go back to enjoying drawing. Not so much with painting because that’s actually quite stressful for me. I only paint because there are pieces I want to do that NEED color or it won’t work. I want to be able to do those paintings. But painting stresses me out.

So here I am, with a drawing that needs to be finished by Monday afternoon at the absolute latest.

As soon as the kids are in bed I’m heading for my studio. I’m going to turn on some music, and try and get lost in my drawing.

It’s the only thing I can do. I need to stop allowing my anxiety and fears get in the way. Yes, easier said than done. But I’m ready.

Shhhhh…..you might disturb the crickets…

Things have been a little slow lately. I haven’t done my marketing research. I haven’t drawn. I haven’t updated on here. I’ve been a bit of a slouch.

Everyone needs a break sometime. Sometimes it’s just for a few days, sometimes it’s for a few years. I really don’t want this rutt I’m in to last years. I have a drawing, the third scarf one, sitting on my easel still. It’s still not finished. I haven’t worked on it in over a month.

Today that’s going to change. After the kids leave for school I’m going into my studio and working on my drawing. I figure I’ll work in it for about 2 hours and then take the cat to the vet. After the vet I can do some housework.

See it’s not just the art that’s been falling off to the side. It’s EVERYTHING. *sigh* Time to get back into the saddle though because just sitting on the couch, watching TV and playing on facebook, won’t get me anywhere.

Here’s to hoping life doesn’t stop me too much.

Rusty bucket

I haven’t been able to draw for about a week. Everytime I sit down at my easel I want to paint with rust.

So I’ve decided that I’m going to finish this drawing and experiment with the rust on the drawings for my aunt. If they come out well then she’ll have the first rust drawings/paintings that I’ve done. If not then I’ll scrap it and do it over in my trusted charcoal.

But first I need rust. I could go to a harware store and ask if they have any rusty things or I can make my own. My landlord has a huge cashe of rusty bolts and nuts and screws sitting in a wooden box in the basement. I took a bunch of them and put them in a piece of tuppaware that no longer has a lid. I put a bunch of the rusty stuff in it and covered them with water.

In a few days, maybe a week, I should have a lot of rusty metal. Well, after I remove the water that is. Then I’ll have a bunch of wet stuff. Let the oxygen get at them and BAM I’ve got rust. Woohoo!

I have a bunch of stuff coming in the mail too. I went crazy on ebay and have beads and gears that should help with this new form of artwork I’m going to do. Most steampunk art that I’ve seen depicts the gears but doesn’t have actual ones glued to the canvas.

So many ideas, so little time.

Why can’t I find rust?

I must be the only person on the planet who doesn’t want to get rid of rust but wants to collect it instead. I seriously think it would make for an interesting painting if I use rust as a pigment instead of paint. It could be used probably similarly to the way I use charcoal…though a bit different.

I want to try and use it dry as well as wet. The question is do I use it on canvas or watercolor paper? Either one could work. I am thinking about using it on canvas because maybe then I can use paint too.

Oh I have so many ideas! I know someone who used rust before in her artwork but haven’t been able to check my e-mail to see if she has gotten back to me.

*sigh*

Steampunk

Recently I bought a book at Michael’s on a whim when buying picture frames. The book was about steampunk jewelry and how to make it. I instantly fell in love with this genre, having not heard of it before.

So what did I do? I bought some things from the store, and spent more money than I should’ve, to make things with. Then I went into the basement and searched around for random things to make stuff with as well. Then ebay….

Not only do I have ideas for jewelry, which I can’t wait to make, but also tons of ideas for drawings and paintings.

For example, I want to get ahold of some rust and use it with my drawings. The drawings will be done in both charcoal and rust, if I can get my hands on it. Perhaps on watercolor paper. I can use water and really get some interesting things done with the rust.

I also want to do paintings and put real gears and whatnots in the paintings, like a painted collage.

Oh so many ideas in my head! But first I have to finish the 3rd scarf drawing and do 2 drawing for my aunt. I may have commissioned drawings to do soon as well.

Lots to do…little time.

Substandard Work

Every time I do a new drawing or painting I feel elated. I love watching as the art goes from an outline on the paper or canvas and turns into something more recognizable. I love the praise I get from friends, family, and even strangers when they look at what I made. Yes, I have a sense of pride on my work.

So when I produce a piece that doesn’t even come close to what I have come to expect from myself that initial elation fades away into despair. Now, if I’m drawing or painting for myself then it’s no problem. But when it comes to a gift or a commission…well then second rate will not do.

This morning I finished a drawing I would love to give someone as a gift. I won’t say who or what the drawing was because they may be reading this blog.

As I worked on it I had this feeling that it just wasn’t right. I fixed everything I could using the knowledge and skills I have. But yet it still came out horrible. When my husband woke up he looked at it and agreed with me. He said that the likeness of the people in the drawing is good. But it doesn’t light a candle to what I usually do.

IMO it’s substandard. And that’s not acceptable for a gift. No way. As I said, I won’t give something I don’t find to be good to someone. I mean that just wouldn’t be right.

So I’m going to redo the drawing. I’m going to use a different reference photo or photos and try, try again.